Jealousy

Here I am, almost 2 months out, and the jealousy has started to kick in. I'm mentioning it for 2 reasons: to let people know that this is a normal part of the process (I think) in case they experience something similar and to be completely honest about where I'm at.

People have asked me over the last couple months if I'm jealous when I see other pregnant mothers or parents with babies/kids. My response has been, "no!" Until now. This is a recent change. I'm mostly jealous when I see pregnant women, especially those who are around the same stage I would be. And I have a few friends who are pregnant or have just delivered. Pregnant ladies and babies are everywhere now! Funny enough, as I logged on to my blog this morning to start my jealousy post, staring straight at me were 3 newborn babies featured on the main page as being new to blogger. See what I mean? Ironic, huh.

I don't think Adam minds me saying that he experienced jealousy from the start, and I presume that his has subsided since he hasn't mentioned it in awhile. When I was in the ER after I lost/had (?) the baby, Adam was left in charge of checking us in and doing the administrative stuff at the front desk. Keep in mind they put us in the labor & delivery section, so people were coming in for scheduled c-sections and/or arriving in labor. I didn't witness this, but Adam had ill feelings about some of the mothers arriving in their state considering us in our state.

To be clear, I know I shouldn't be jealous. This is only how I feel. These are 2 totally different things. I am learning not to trust and live by my feelings because they are deceiving and ever-changing. Can you imagine if everyone acted upon how they feel all the time? I would surely punch someone out from time to time. Ha! And truthfully, I would probably be punched out too!

I have to stick to what I know to be true...That God is in total control and that He will never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). He has a special, individualized plan just for us! We believe He will provide us with another baby at the perfect time, which unfortunately all too often is not in agreement with our own timing. We should be patient, enjoying where we are at this very moment. We should be thankful for everything we do have, not reflecting on the things we lack.

Sounds like I'm preaching to myself this morning! I just need to change my mindset.